man kissing woman's hand on a date

Online Dating: True Love or Worst Enemy?

OK, so to all my single people out there who think they are ready to be in a relationship, what is really going on? Online dating sites say that 80% or more single people find love on their sites. Now, most of us think “Wow! Maybe that percentage includes me!”

And with our hearts wide open to all the wonderful possibilities of love, we set up our profiles, take our very best pictures, and truly believe anything is possible.

Then you anxiously await the first round of messages to come pouring in. Once they do and you go through them you find one in every ten to be exciting. You talk to them and you get that “Butterfly Effect” in your stomach and you stay up later than usual on the computer or maybe you even exchange phone numbers.

The next step is you start to feel like “This could be the One” you will find yourself falling in love and then just as fast as it starts it is over.

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Why is this? Well from the way I see it, the problem is you. That’s right. You! Harsh as it may sound, I mean it in a loving way. First of all we make ourselves venerable to heartbreak. We put such high expectations on ourselves and other people. Don’t get me wrong I still want to believe that everyone deserves their own fairytale but what they forget to teach you is that you make your own fairytales and it is usually not the way you picture it.

Most people in a relationship have “settled” outside of what they really want because of the fear of being alone. Doesn’t mean you are not happy just means you have made it work for you.

Online dating is an easy way for you to be yourself personality-wise almost everything else money, job, lifestyle etc..  are what you wish them to be. And we all know how to take our “Best Pictures” so you have already started your “New Relationship with a lie!”  Then once the truth is reveled the relationship is over as fast as it began.

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Now your left with another sore taste in your mouth and a little crack in your heart. So my friends I say unto you, if you most test the waters of online dating do it with the notion that it is just for fun.

Don’t take things so seriously and make sure you talk to someone for a while in a REALconversation. Pay close attention to the answers they give because that way its easier to smell your rat! And above all things Guard your hearts with all you have because real love is out there and will be best found when your not looking for it.

 

9 Comments

  1. In my mind, this is how anyone should approach any sort of dating situation. I appreciate the online approach because I’m usually sober when I’m perusing profiles, which isn’t always the case when I’m perusing potential mates at a bar. Everyone puts their best foot forward at the beginning of a relationship. If we didn’t, I don’t think any of us would ever stay together long enough to procreate.

     
  2. I’d think that it is often easier for some to feel more comfortable with the anonymity and open-ended freedom that one can get from meeting someone online. I know that I feel that I am a much better typist than talker and that I am better at editing my words when I have the time to review them before clicking SEND. None-the-less, I have always been cautious to make sure that I wasn’t painting a picture of myself that was beyond what I am capable of living up to. I would say that the two most important things a person can do while searching for (e)harmony or their match(.com)is to remain true to who you know that you are and to not lose yourself in the freedom that online dating provides you.

     
  3. Very well said, Nick!

     
  4. I have some friends who met online. They’re practically engaged now and will likely marry by the end of this year. It was an ideal setting for them.

    I’ve said before in a post here and also here, it’s also just hard to meet the right kind of people sometimes. There are plenty of people looking, but their tangible face-to-face resources are so limited that it’s hard to just find a good match without some help.

    I’m all for people finding the right person. It’s easier to commit to someone you’re convinced is “the one.” And even though we’re just talking dating services, this applies to serious mate shoppers too.

     
  5. Lisa Wippert

    Strangers are strange no matter where you meet them. Certain precautions should be taken no matter what the setter….or how many dates there have been.

    As for making the relationship work simple not to be alone, that would be one of the biggest mistakes most people make. Unfortunately, by time they realize it, marriage has been procured, children have been had and youth has faded.

     
  6. Russell Hemati

    I gotta go with Daniel on this one. I know lots of people who are truly amazing and would be _EXCELLENT_ boyfriends and girlfriends (or even wives and husbands). But for some reason, they just have not met the right person yet. As school winds down and people settle into their career and church you just don’t see that many new people.

    And about the whole “best picture” thing: I don’t show up to job interviews wearing shorts and a tank top. That doesn’t make me deceitful.

     
  7. Russell,

    You don’t wear shorts and tank tops to interviews? Hmmm… Maybe THAT’S been my problem.

    Seriously, though. You have to appreciate the ability to expand the net via online dating sites. And if that doesn’t work, you can always browse MySpace users by zip code and do your own personal brand of mate shopping.

     
  8. Michael Callaway

    Here is my advice to all women. Always, always be careful. Men are liars. My advice to me, always be careful, woman are liars. When you are online, it easier to lie because you are hidden behind a computer.

     
  9. All comments are wonderful and present good advice. One, simple, quick note, there are many sad, lonely and DESPERATE people who search for pacifiers for their emotional misguidance. Please do not misunderstand me, there are many fine, emotionally healthy people who participate within these electronic tunnels of love.

    The one thing about the women on most of these sites is, the majority of them have basically let themselves go, for whatever reason, whether is be a divorce, divorce with children and a dead beat dad, they appear as BBW, pleasantly plump, averaged but big boned, etc…., and the list goes on. In all fairness, men have their share of problems along these same parameters. The bottom line is, these sites are filled to capacity with yearning, desperate people, who are so starved for attention, they will say and to anything to pacify their personal and emotional problems.

    Men, remember most women don’t need men anyway, they just want them occasionally and if you happen to be the lucky one that successfully attracts “Cindy Crawford” and she happens to open up your email that is 1 out of 200-300 emails that she receives and replies to, then sir, I would like to be your gambling companion, next time a trip to Vegas is planned!!!!

     

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